HEART MATTERS

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.  2^nd Corinth.10:4-6

Normally when someone hears the word “confrontation” thoughts of a battle or a war ensue.  Overall, it’s difficult to see “confronting” as anything other than threatening or at the very least somewhat abrasive.  If the concept of confronting someone generally invokes something negative for you, today i’m going to challenge you to reconsider altogether.  When Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mound in Matthew chapter 5, one of the things He said was “Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God” (verse 5).  Have you ever considered that in order for there to be peace there first must be confrontation?  We normally automatically assume that if we hold our peace, we then keep the peace, and thus we are being peacemakers.  The problem is  holding our peace also results in us holding everything in where it can fester.  When we sweep important issues under the rug build up can begin on the inside of us.  Nothing gets resolved and both parties are left stuck with the disparaging feelings they refuse to openly address in hopes that they will just disappear on there own.  But they never go away do they?  In fact, those resentments become our filters through which we now view our offenders. We can be civil around them and even love them, but we begin to like them less and less and resent them more and more.  So which way is best?  Not saying anything and holding our peace all the while disliking the other person more and more?  Or, deciding to lovingly confront in a effort to promote healing and restoration so we can continue having a healthy loving relationship?   Continue reading Compelled to Confront →

HEART MATTERS

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”  James 5:16

Did you know you can be in a loving relationship with someone and yet not be completely restored to them?  My girlfriend Kat and I were discussing this very issue after listening to Back to the Bible (I believe it was David Chadwick) a while back.  He explained that a person can completely forgive someone without the relationship ever being restored.  He said in order for there to be restoration there has to be ownership.  Each party has to be open, honest, and transparent regarding their role in the areas of fault.  My friend and I both readily agreed with his assessment.   We realized there have been people in both of our pasts who we have forgiven but with whom our relationships have never been the same.  The relationships have either completely ended or are only a shadow of what they once were.

As we dove deeper into this issue we began to question how this truth plays out within the context of our committed relationships.  The ones in which we have no other choice but to continue to do life with, the ones we’d never want to do life without, even after terrible contention and ongoing conflict.  Relationships such as marriage, parents, siblings, and in-laws.  None of these relationships are exempt from conflict and so we often times find ourselves having to forgive and forget-or at least move on.  Forgiveness is a basic principal within Christianity.  Although we struggle with it, hopefully we realize that forgiveness is not an option.  The Lord commands us to forgive others as He has forgiven us.  So as believers we make the mental decision to extend forgiveness to the other person and by the Lord’s grace and equipping we’re able to do it.  Victory!  That very act of choice, choosing to forgive, changes the trajectory of the relationship and does something beautiful inside our hearts.

But then what? Does healing of the relationship naturally ensue?  Does it mean the relationship is now automatically reset right to where it was before? Continue reading Loving Relationship-Limited Restoration →

HEART MATTERS

“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be white as snow;Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.  If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land;…”  Isaiah 1:18-19

Okay so every time I go through something difficult, especially something that catches me off guard, the first thing I want to do is “process” it.  Processing is my method of analyzing this difficult thing with the goal of placing it where it  rightfully belongs in my life.  I have to take whatever it is and evaluate it from every angle and in light of everything that pertains to it.  Since I like to talk, I normally “process” by talking to God about it.  I speak to Him about it openly, honestly and out loud.  When I’m finished speaking, I then continue to process it quietly in my mind.  The more “it” hurts, stings, disappoints and sinks me, the longer I take to process it.  Life is complicated!

I have to admit that my tendency to process things before addressing them or tucking them away made me feel very mature and even a little bit spiritually superior.  I mean I know so many people who respond to life by unapologetically letting their feelings rip-every time.  So this ability to process must be something good and positive right? Doesn’t God’s Word say self-control is a fruit of the Spirit?  Indeed it is!  But that doesn’t mean holding on to something to thoroughly process it, is necessarily a good thing.  Here’s what I believe the Lord showed me about my process of processing.

Continue reading Don’t Process-PRAY →

HEART MATTERS

“My mouth shall speak wisdom and the meditation of my heart shall give understanding.” Psalm 49:3

I’m a talker.  Speech is my love language; my expression of choice. Obviously it’s the main method of communication for everyone, but for some of us it’s so much more.  Speaking allows us to share our feelings and belief’s with others.  I love to talk about my thoughts, my dreams, my passions, and aspirations.  I must admit, I’m also prone to complaining when I’m disappointed or discouraged.  At times for me, my voice is an instrument of relief, a release valve so to speak that allows me to get whatever’s bothering me off my chest. Words allow me teach, utilize my spiritual gifts, and express myself in a way that nothing else can.   I love to pray out loud.  With my voice I can share the Gospel and point people to Christ.

Speaking feels so natural and organic to me that I use to believe that everyone else felt the same way about verbal communication.  I still struggle to accept that intimacy can exist between two people when one person is relatively quiet.  In fact for many years I prided myself on my bold willingness to speak up and even verbally confront others when I felt it necessary.  My openness and yes my foolishness gave me the false sense of being able to resolve any issue with anybody.  My arrogance and ignorance caused me to believe that my words alone could greatly influence and change others.

Continue reading Pure Heart Perfect Speech →