HEART MATTERS

“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.”  Galatians 1:10

“Can we all just get along?” This was Rodney King’s plea of frustration in response to all the racial upheaval which occurred after someone filmed the police severely beating him during a supposedly arrest attempt. “Can we all just get along?” It’s also the heart cry of all those who find themselves in bondage to a people pleasing personality bend.  I know because I used to be one of those people.  Are you a people pleaser?  I believe people find themselves entrapped to this behavior for many different reasons: a naturally sweet disposition; a dysfunctional family upbringing; strong insecurities; low self esteem; a need to control, etc.  People pleasing could result from any number of reasons because it’s a sort of tailor made, individualized, ailment. I think one of the main reasons I became one was because of my mother’s pain. She was the black sheep of her family and so I think I tried to overcompensate for the areas that were lacking in her life. Even as a little girl I desperately hoped to make and keep her happy. Why would I take on such a task? Because seeing her happy made me happy.  Seeing her happy freed me to be happy.  I remember seeing her pain over her relationship with her own mother and thinking I didn’t like seeing my mom so sad because when she was sad it caused me to feel sad.  I truly believe that’s when it all began for me.  But also I think it (my people pleasing nature) eventually evolved into something more.  My weakness of needing to please others grew into a sort of manipulation tactic as I realized it allowed me to attain the peace I so greatly desired-even if it was only for a little while.  I grew up in a close community of family.  My grandmother and her sisters all bought houses within walking distance of each other.  My mom and her sister did the same. I quickly learned that if I acted sweet and agreeable with my elders, they’d be pleased with me. My submission and obedience would cause them to smile, to be happy, and overall, it would make them like me.  As a result sometimes I’d even be rewarded with a nice compliment (words of affirmation is still my love language) or better yet a piece of candy.  My people pleasing most times yielded a false sense of euphoria for me and so I embraced it and allowed it to become a major part of my character.  At the time I didn’t know the price I’d pay for it in the future. As a child my propensity for people pleasing seemed to be an asset.  But as an adult I’d soon learn it’s a deficit instead.  People pleasing always causes problems in the end.  Disguised as a representative of peace and resolution, in reality, it’s more of a catalyst for contention and resentment.  So believers be warned.  There’s no room for people pleasing in the economy of God!  People pleasing will come into direct conflict with the call of God on your life.

Continue reading The Problem With People Pleasing →

HEART TO HEART

“We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.”  Romans 15: 1-3

Have you ever asked someone for forgiveness who you really felt should be asking you to forgive them? Many times my girlfriends will confide in me regarding some ongoing dispute or disagreement their having with a loved one.  I can’t tell you how many times I hear them despairingly say “but why do I always have to be the bigger person!” Unfortunately this is an ongoing reoccurring theme especially with my married friends. When it comes to conflict resolution with their spouses, they grow weary of always being the one who’s willing to humble themselves in an effort to make up.  Whether they’re speaking to me to simply vent or seeking godly advice, when I give my spiritual two cents, their response is always the same.  In exasperation they cry out “why am I always the one who has to be the bigger person?” or “I’m tired of always having to be the bigger person”.  Complaints about: always being the one who has to examine her heart; always being the one who has to own and confess her part in the wrongdoing; and always being the one who asks for forgiveness first. They want to know why they always have to be the ones who takes the first step (and the majority of the steps) to keep the peace.

Soooo, let’s talk about it!  Why you do you have to be the bigger person you ask? Weelll…..because you asked!  The very fact that you’re tired of having to be the bigger person declares that you’re once again willing to be the bigger person. The fact that you’re concerned about restoration, the fact you’re willing to confess and own your part, the fact that you want resolution, AND the fact that you’re willing to humble yourself in order to be reconciled-all testifies to the fact that His Spirit lives in you! The reason you want to know why you have to be, is because you are called to be!

Continue reading The Bigger Person →

Heart Matters

“Then Job answered the LORD and said: “I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.  You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.  Listen, please, and let me speak;  You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’  “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You.  Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”  Job 42:1-6

I’m a left handed, supposedly right brained person who just so happens to be very analytical as well.  I love details, structure, rules and order-you know, so all the pieces of the puzzle can fit perfectly together.  I love mysteries, forensic science, and anything that encourages you to think outside of the box (within God’s order) in order to arrive at the correct conclusion.  I’m always trying to figure it out.  Unfortunately this cerebral bent has caused me to dissect every unwelcomed and in my opinion unwarranted circumstance that’s come into my life and the lives of those I care deeply about. In my quest to know the reason why, many times the conclusions I arrived at have led me to overly access and wrongfully judge.  When something new and difficult entered my life, I’d think maybe I’m having this issue because: of a sin problem; or maybe it’s due to my lack of discipline; or perhaps it has to do with that stronghold I’m refusing to let go of?  Well it could be those things but it also could be for reasons I was never meant to know of.  God is Creator of both the things that are seen and unseen.  He is Sovereign over both the natural world and the supernatural.  I’m not knocking examining oneself before the Lord because that’s always a good thing. A spiritually mature and wise person will make sure he/she keeps short accounts with the LORD. However, we err if we think that if we just keep searching and examining, we will eventually be able to figure it all out.  We must never think examining ourselves will be (or should be) the catalyst for the Lord to reveal to us the reason why we’re facing what we’re facing.  For those of you who have analytical minds, I know what you’re thinking.   “But wait a minute, truth be told, isn’t there a reason for everything?”  Yes there is!  But that doesn’t mean we have a right to be privy to it!  The secret things belong to God! (Deut.29:9).

Continue reading When You Seek To Know Why-Surrender Yourself to WHO! →

Heart Matters

“And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed.  The night is far spent, the day is at hand.  Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.  Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.  But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”  Romans 13: 11-13

Happy New Year!  I’ve been thinking instead of falling into the same old habit of coming up with a new years resolution for 2017,(one that’s sure to start fizzling by the end of the month), I should instead focus on tweaking my spiritual walk with the Lord.  After all HE knows better than anyone what’s needed in my life for 2017 as well as what’s not.  So why not start this fresh new year seeking Him and His perfect will in regards to becoming a new and improved you?!  Now I’m not saying The LORD is willing to tell us everything HE has in store for us in 2017.  I’m sure He has many blessings to bestow upon each of us this year.  Also, I’m just as certain there will be some difficult and challenging circumstances along the way, all meant to stretch and grow us in our walk and service for HIM.  As such, I have to say I for one am very thankful He doesn’t begin the new year showing us everything He has in store for us.  I mean there have been some things He has called me to in the last couple of years that if I had known about them beforehand, He would have had to drag me forward kicking and screaming. (Yes I’m that child that sometimes the Lord has to grab by the bridle and forcefully lead into the direction He wants me to go).  The good news is that thanks to Jesus, I am getting better at both submitting and surrendering to His perfect will for my life!

So as I pondered this new year with an eternal perspective I thought the best place to start is always in God’s Word.  It’s full of wisdom and understanding, knowledge and instruction, reproof and correction, directives and commands-all for those HE loves and those who love HIM.  “For the  word of  God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”Hebrews 4:12  God’s Word can lead us to Christ, help us abide in Christ, develop us for the cause of Christ, and change us to reveal Christ to others!  God’s Word is THE TRUTH- It’s everything!  Yes, as believers we definitely should begin 2017 more committed than ever to spend more and more time reading and studying our Bibles!

The Bible clearly tells Christians there are some things we should put on and some things we definitely need to put off if we’re serious about following our Lord.  Usually when I begin a new year the things I want to put off go something like this:  -the baby weight I’ve been carrying around for the last 19 years; -my love affair with caffeine, chocolate, and pasteries; -the procrastination I’ve been prone to all my life; -being a night owl who never wants to go to bed and as a result will always snooze the morning alarm-several times. And since like most I’d like to improve with every new year here are some of the things I’d want to put on:-anything that would disguise the fact that I’ve become middle aged and I’m actually now showing it, such as: hair color, false eyelashes, fad diets and a few new pieces of stylish clothing and shoes (I know pretty shallow right? Well I discovered growing old gracefully is not as easy as it sounds, although I am now committed to doing so); a consistent plan for a healthy diet and exercise because pre-menopausal hormones aint no joke (this one I can’t let go of because my body is insisting on it); trying out a new class/hobby such as pottery, foreign language, etc.

See some of these aren’t so bad, but what spiritual value do they have?  Would it not be better to purge myself of the the things which matter most to God?  Would it not be more valuable for me to focus on clothing myself with the articles the Lord instructs me to in His Word? I think so! The Bible says “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him.  For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”    1 Samuel 16:7   Now I’m not saying that we’re not to take care of our physical bodies-we are.  “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?”  1 Corinthians 6:19  However, we must keep it in perspective.  “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance.” 1 Timothy 4:8-9  Our outer man will one day perish, but our inner man will live forever! 

So what about you?  Are you ready to properly prioritize the “new you” for 2017? If so, then this post is for you!  Let’s take a moment to look at how we can put off the old man and put on the new man.  Let’s see how we can trade in our old ragged garments for brand spanking new ones. Let’s take a minute to stop and step behind the curtain so to speak for the most important costume change of all as we align our hearts with the heart of God! Let’s get excited about how HE Himself is going to transform us in the year 2017!

Continue reading Putting On/Putting Off →