HEART MATTERS

“And now abide faith, hope, love , these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians 13:13

“Loving you is easy cause you’re beautiful…..”(Minnie Riperton).  Remember that song and those beautiful high notes she hit?  If love could be expressed in a sound I’d say that “ah ahh ahhh ahhhhha” would come pretty close.  Its such a beautiful song.  It also has a ring- of-truth to it.  It is easy to love those we find beautiful (whether inside or out or both)!  It’s easy to love those who are are nice, sweet, thoughtful and kind.  It’s easy to love those in our lives who are fun loving, compassionate, and easy going.  We have no problem loving those who love us just as much as we love them.  There’s freedom in loving our loved ones who are low maintenance and non demanding.  Those who are independent, self-sufficient, not needy. And of course physical beauty can’t hurt!  Those who are lovely all together.  When the Beatles sang “All We Need is Love” they said a mouthful.  However its just not that easy.

I’m sure you’ve also heard the saying “sometimes love just isn’t enough”.  Tina Turner even had the nerve to say “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”(Lol)  Truth be told, love is easiest when it’s easy! Love is easiest when there’s agreement, cooperation, and reciprocation. Love is easiest when there’s mutual respect, consideration and adoration.  However, absent these things, chances are, love won’t be the default setting of our emotions. I’m not saying we no longer love the person or that we no longer feel love in our hearts for them. I’m saying when we have to love someone who is difficult, (for whatever reason), we may really love them but it becomes more challenging for us to show our love to them.  When someone we love is always in disagreement with us or seems inclined towards disregarding our feelings, love usually ceases to be our first response.

Self preservation and self defense become the major setting from which we begin to operate in our difficult relationships.  We still love them but we feel like they just don’t deserve to be “loved on” by us.  We think “why would I be loving to them when they’re being (or have been) so unloving to me?!” Sometimes our response is much worse.  Like when our refusal to be loving has so become our norm we can’t even recognize it.  And so we do life with this particular loved one by declaring war on them or distancing ourselves in surrender to hopelessness.  Sometimes our lives with this person feels like a roller coaster ride as we go from one stance to the next.  Either way it leaves us with an obstinate countenance and never really allows the other person to see just how much we really love them.  The enemy has gotten in that thing and he’s is robbing both parties blind!  The love is there but neither party is benefiting from it.   What’s love got to do with it? Everything!

I have someone in my life whom I dearly love but who has also caused me a lot of grief.  We love each other very much but we’re not always so lovely to one another.  Over the years our contention has worn me down.  I found myself becoming more and more unlovely to this person.  I of course justified my feelings of annoyance and my arrogant behavior by blaming it all on her.  But my seemingly continuous frustration served as a constant reminder to me that my heart wasn’t right. Thank God for sisters in Christ who will lovingly tell you the truth by telling you what your problem really is!  I never understood why my friend Billie would smile as I shared (unloaded) the “impossible situation” I was dealing with in my life.  As she patiently listened her calm countenance never matched my unraveled nerves. My efforts to vindicate my feelings were lost on her.  It didn’t take Billie long to see what my problem was.  Being the godly gifted counselor she is, she lovingly led me to to see my problem was that I wasn’t responding with love.  When she told me “Kirsten its simple, all you need to do is love  and show that love to her as often as possible”, I was floored.  So simple yet so profound!

She explained that love is essential.  But I l did love this person!  This is why I’m still a major part of her life! This is why I haven’t separated myself from her!  This is why I keep allowing myself to be vulnerable! I did love her but there was no way I could say I showed her how much I loved her.  If and when I did show her it still wasn’t often or on an ongoing consistent basis.  The shame!  The shame!

Now I have to tell you whenever you feel guilt and shame praise God for showing you the truth so that you can repent and see restoration!

As I repeatedly shared my issues with Billie she kept drilling the love issue with me every single time.  I started to really examine my heart before God.  I began to realize even though I loved the person in question, my default attitude towards her wasn’t love.  It was anger and resentment.  As a result I almost always had an arrogant attitude when I was with her even if I was serving her and doing something kind for her. A wrong heart equals a wrong attitude.  The love in my heart for her had been covered up by all the muck and mire of our relationship.  (It’s the same vicious cycle that happens in marriages all the time. The muck and mire can become so prevalent that often times couples will began to feel as though they no longer love each other.  It wont be until after they have allowed themselves to separate or worse divorce, after a lot of the crud has been removed, that they realize they’re still in love with one another).  Deceiving isn’t it?  We can’t trust our own hearts.  But we can trust the God who knows and understands the heart and mind of every single  individual!  We can believe God when He says  “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three: but the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians 13:13

The LORD is LOVE (1John 4:8) and He has a lot to say about love:

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails….”  1st Corinthians 13:1-8

“Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”  Jesus said to him, “”You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”  Matthew 22:35-40

“I speak not by commandment, but I am testing the sincerity of your love by the diligence of others.”  2nd Corinthians 8:8

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;…” Romans 12:10-11

“Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.  For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”  Romans 13:8-10

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16

My challenging relationship significantly changed when I confessed my sin of being unwilling to love (show my love) to the Lord.  As I purposed in my heart to act out of the love I had for her, HE equipped me to do so.  Sometimes it still takes forgiving often because we can still clash at times.  But forgiveness is what clears the way for the love to flow.  Once I forgive and choose to love in spite of, it changes my heart.  When my heart loves I can see beyond the muck and mire in her heart and see the great love she has for me as well.  The more I love on her and the more she loves on me, the more that pile of crud in our hearts towards one another seems to decrease.  I love her more and more with each passing day!

Got Love? If you’re in Christ that means Christ is in you!  The love of Christ lives within you! As believers we are commanded to love others with the love of Christ Jesus. We are called to show the love of Jesus to others.  Through His indwelling Spirit living in us we can consistently choose to love others-even the most difficult people in our lives.  Remember we can never justify choosing not to love or being unloving to someone because although we definitely do not deserve the love of God He gave it to us through His Son Jesus Christ. The love Christ has for us (Agape Love) didn’t just stay locked up inside His heart-it was poured out towards us for all to see as He died sacrificially on the cross for us.

Heart to Heart:  Believers Proclaim Christ Best When We Love Others Most!