Heart Matters

“Now there in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches.  In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water.  For a angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.  Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” John 5: 1-6

For some reason whenever I read this scripture, Jesus’ question really stands out to me.  I can never read past it.  It stops me in my tracks every single time.  I find myself pausing so I can think on it and try to properly process The Lord’s question to this broken man.  I wonder-why did Jesus ask him if he wanted to be made well?  I mean wasn’t it obvious that he did?!  The man had been crippled by his illness for 38 years.  Wouldn’t the fact that he was near the pool which everyone knew an angel occasionally visited, providing healing for the first person in, lead to the logical conclusion that indeed the diseased man was there in hopes of being healed?  Why then did Jesus ask him if he wanted to be made well?

If we would have come across the man camped out around the pool among so many others who were disabled and diseased we would automatically assume, like everyone else there, he too desperately wanted to be healed.  Yet when Jesus asked him if he wanted to be made well, he didn’t respond with an emphatic “YES!” or “YES I DO!” or even “YES! can you help me get closer to the pool?!” Notice Jesus asked him a direct, close ended question which required a simple “yes” or “no” response.  However his answer (verse 7) instead seems to be an explanation of why he hasn’t yet been healed. He told Jesus he didn’t have anyone to put him into the pool when the water is stirred and while he’s on his way someone always steps down into the pool before him.  Instead of an affirmative response his answer seems to be a deflection of sorts.  Within his response there’s evidence of both self-pity and self-defense.  Outwardly he looked like someone in desperate need of healing.  But it seems Jesus knew the man had an even greater need-there was something going on on the inside that needed addressing too.

The man by the pool of Bethesda’s reply to the Lord lead me to believe Jesus asked him that question for more than just the obvious reason. The fact that Jesus even asked him the question in the first place naturally implies the ailing man must have had some conflicting feelings regarding being healed. Jesus’ question, coupled with the man’s response, seems to suggest there’s more going on here than meets the eye.  When the all knowing LORD of the universe asks a question, it’s never because He doesn’t already know the answer.  His questions are to make us think and come to the realization of some kind.

Continue reading Wilt Thou Be Made Whole? →

Heart Matters

“being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 1:6

This is my life verse.  But there was some things the Lord had to orchestrate in order to get me to the place of being able to claim it as my own.  As I share my testimony, my story of how I came to faith in Christ, I hope it encourages you to share your story as well.

I think (thank) my mom did a great job of introducing me to God.  It wasn’t that she was a true believer.  Fact is I actually led her to faith in Christ.  But she did have a belief system: she believed God existed; that Jesus was/is His Son and One with the Father; and that we are to be morally good people towards others.  That was my foundation.  Those were the the stones that cultivated my consciousness and curiosity of God.  I remember how as a young child of about 9 or 10 years old,I’d wake up on a Saturday morning, and walk (by myself) the 7 or 8 blocks to knock on the rectory door.  I recall the two doors being very large, enormous, and intimidating.  But I didn’t hesitate to approach them because I remembered the kindness and the smile of the one I went to see.  I knew that “father” Al (as he was called) would always welcome my visit with opened arms.  I can’t remember how many times I actually visited with him.  Perhaps it was only once.  But it left a lasting impression on my life and it’s always the place where my memory of my journey with God begins.  I traveled to the rectory to see “father”Al because I had questions.  I had met him while attending the church that adjoined to the rectory.  I knew that I could go to him and he’d take the time to answer any questions I had.  The nuns would call him to the front and he’d welcome me into the office off to the right.  I remembered feeling as though the large brown leather chair would swallow me whole.  But never mind that, I went there with a purpose-I needed to know all about this God.  Who was He?  Where did He come from?  Why did He have to come here and die if He was going to resurrect and go back to where He came from?  Why can’t I see Him now?! 

Way back then my heart was desiring to know all about to HIM.  I was drawn to Jesus.  As an innocent child I didn’t question for a minute that HE was God.  I knew it was true!  Even back then I believe I had a sincere desire to follow and stay close to Him. (But there was much more I needed to understand-like my sin nature and how it separated me from Him). I remember my aunt Celestine bringing me a beautifully beaded rosary back from a popular cathedral in New York City.  She taught me how to use it to pray.  As a child I would spend many days setting aside time to pray my rosary.  I had already understood the earthly principle of people pleasing and so I set about making sure I was pleasing to God. He was so special and I knew it, so I also wanted to be special to Him.  I felt I had to do what it took to make that happen.  In eight grade my private school held mass each morning one hour before class began.  Guess what I tried to do every single school day? You guessed it!  I woke up early and tried to attend mass.  I was often late but I felt like catching some of it would be better than not attending at all. Many Sunday’s I walked my blind auntie Joan to mass.  It was some of my fondest memories of my time with her.  We’d talk the entire way there and the whole way back.  So like I said, I was a pretty religious little girl who thought she had a good sincere heart towards God.  God knew my heart better than I did and so He never intended to leave me to religion.  Religion just wouldn’t do-no I was meant for relationship-with Him!

Continue reading my Testimony →

Heart Matters

“Therefore we also, since we’re surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ..” Hebrews 12:1

“Let us lay aside every weight…”  Weights are heavy! When they’re attached to us there’s no denying their presence.  I’m going to date myself here but remember when ankle weights were popular?  We’d strap them on for our walks, our jogs, and/or aerobic exercise. (Do people still use those?) Weights are a viable source for physical training because they’re restrictive and they create resistance.  When we engage in weight training there’s little else we’re physically able to do while working out.  The weights we’ve put on or picked up demand our full attention and acknowledgment.  Often times we use certain objects as weights to stop or hold something in place. In the physical, weights can be useful in many ways. However, when it comes to our spiritual life, the things that slows us down or holds us back have to be laid aside. The weights that spiritually hinder our ability to “run with endurance the race that’s set before us,” have to go!

As you read this blog I’d like to challenge you to think of the things in your life that you’re currently allowing to weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward on the track the Lord has established before you.  Before I continue, just in case there’s someone out there who will misconstrue this concept, I want to point out the things that may seem like weights but really aren’t-because God would never want us to lay them aside.  Okay sooo this means your unfulfilling and unhappy marriage-is not a weight.  Your undisciplined and unruly children-are not weights.  Your rebellious teenage-not a weight. Your needy and sometimes demanding parents-they are not weights! Although at times they may deliver a pressure that feels like a 500 lb dumbbell, they’re more like a treadmill which increases your stamina and builds up your resilience.  So be of good cheer!

Unlike the external weights of life, the spiritual weights we deal with are usually more internal.  They’re not the people or things we have to deal with but rather the strong emotions and feelings we tend to harbor.  So what are the weights that have been keeping you stagnant in your walk with Christ? What’s the baggage that’s significantly slowing down your pace, causing you to walk or jog instead of running for the Lord?  What are the weights you need to lay aside, completely discard, and ultimately get rid of?!

Continue reading The Weight of Expectation →