Heart Matters

“As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.”  Colossians 2: 6-7

A Christian organization recently asked me to write a brief summary of my faith walk thus far. Although there is so much more I could share regarding the 24 years I’ve been on adventure with the Lord, I believe the content is such that it could be worth sharing.  As such I’ve decided to use it as this week’s blog post.  Please remember that this is only a summary. (For some reason The Holy Spirit had me record how He insisted I get free from my stronghold of fear and relinquish my need to control before calling me into ministry. So if you struggle with the same, perhaps this one’s for you). As I said, I’ve been saved for 24 years and as such there’s many lessons I’ve learned on my journey thus far.  I also know there are many lessons I’m still learning and have yet to learn.  Believers are always a work in progress.  When I blog I’m always writing from that place-one of all the lessons and principles The Lord has taught or is teaching me as He causes His Word to wreck my life (in the bestest way possible) for my good and for His glory.  I have to mention that this is not my testimony regarding how I came to faith in Christ.  If you haven’t read that blog post, I encourage you to do so.  It’s called “My Testimony.” One other thing before I post it, as always I pray the Lord Jesus uses whatever He’s done in my life to do what He aims to do in your life.  “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 27:17  

I’d like to say my faith journey began when I came to faith in Christ as a young wife, mother, and college student at the age of 24. Indeed, that was when the scales fell from my eyes and I was able to truly understand the Gospel. As a result, felt I had no other choice but to respond in belief. However, I can’t completely recall my faith journey without recording the fact that I’ve always had a strong desire to know The Lord, even as a little child. I remember waking up early on Saturday mornings at the age of 9 or 10 years old and asking my mom if it was okay for me to take a walk to the Rectory. I grew up in the Catholic faith and my religion was an important part of my life even though neither my mom or dad at the time communicated the same sentiments. I attended Catholic school (even throughout college) and attending Mass was a normal part of my education. Still I remember wanting more and so I’d take the 8 or 9 block walk to the Rectory and ask to see “father” Al. He’d graciously invite me into his office and spend time with me answering, as best he could, all my questions about God. I believed back then The Holy Spirit was drawing me and letting me know that one day I would in fact be His.

It was in College after having drifted away from “religion” and having all that I felt was important to me (love, marriage, the best baby boy in the world, goals which were a part of accomplishing all I dreamed and hoped for) that I realized there was a strong longing inside of which none of the aforementioned could quench. I knew that it had something to do with God and my relationship with Him-or lack thereof. And so, I began to pursue Him (at least I thought that’s what it was), not realizing in fact it was Him who was pursuing me. After sending many people to plant seeds and water the fertile soil of the Gospel within me, along with a close call in the form of a car accident which renewed realization of the brevity of life, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes and showed me the salvation of the LORD. I responded in belief and have never been the same. What was left of my religion ended and my relationship with the Lord began. My immediate response to my new faith in Christ was an incredible thirst for His Word and a deep desire to share the Gospel with others. But I was a babe in Christ, there was much I had to learn (and still have to learn) and so because many times I ran ahead of Him I didn’t always produce the fruit I could have had I been led by His Spirit. Lesson number one – learned. As I began to learn to calmly walk with Him and rest in Him I began also to learn to trust Him for the salvation of others. But I have to say this lesson of trusting Him has been a complicated one for me. There have been many layers The Lord has had to unpeel, expose, and deal with me on.

For many years of my life in Christ I was under the bondage of a serious stronghold of fear. I didn’t communicate it to others but it was nestled deep inside of me and the Lord refused to allow it to remain. I’m thankful because while you can cloak the fear, the desire to control will always come out as it seeks to permeate every area of your life. I’m so grateful that I’ve been completely set free and no longer in captivity to fear. I can look back now and see how the Lord was so patient and longsuffering with me regarding this area of my life. I can see how He gently encouraged me to deal with it and stop making excuses for it like “I trust God but doesn’t God want me to be a good steward over…..?” The Lord gave me many years to come to Him and ask His help for my fears, but when it came to the things that were close to my heart, overall I just seemed to rather trust in my own devices. I was maturing in the faith in many ways but this stronghold was holding me back and stealing my joy. I also have to mention here that early on in my walk with the Lord I felt called-called to lead, called to teach, I didn’t quite know what it was back then, but I knew there was a calling on my life. It was so strong in fact that many times I tried to orchestrate it, make it come to pass, so to speak. I remember hosting and trying to teach Bible studies in my home. But they never had any staying power, they never lasted. Just as impulsively as I started it, the study would quickly fizzle out. The reasons why the ladies could no longer attend were always valid ones- new responsibilities, change in schedules, etc. No one dropped out simply because they didn’t want to be there and so it seemed as though the Lord’s hand just wasn’t on it. Now I know it wasn’t. I also know why.

The Lord didn’t call me into ministry until many years later. He didn’t open any doors for me to serve Him in that capacity until He set me free from the stronghold of fear. I have to share that although it took me many years to come to the end of myself regarding this issue of wanting to control in response to my fears, the Lord delivered me in an instant! Something occurred that caused me to fear and I remember the Holy Spirit checking me and just preventing me from responding in my habitual manner of seeking to control. I went into my room to pray instead and the Lord met me there. HE said to me “Kirsten, every time you fear how do you respond?” I said, “that’s easy Lord, I always try to control and prevent what I’m afraid may happen.” Then He said, “and how has that worked out for you?” I said sadly “it hasn’t, it always backfires on me.” To which the Lord responded “THAT’S BECAUSE I AM IN CONTROL.” “Not you.” And with that I was able to truly believe HIM about it! Peace flooded my soul as the chains fell off and I was set free! When I returned to my living room my husband couldn’t believe how my countenance had changed. One of the ways I had been exercising control was by using my countenance to manipulate. But now my countenance reflected my freedom in Christ. Since that time I’ve never been held captive by my fears again. Even though for some time fear remained my first immediate response, it was quickly followed by my decision to trust God concerning whatever seemed threatening. Over time I noticed trusting Him became my base line and I can’t thank and praise Him enough!

By the way, if you struggle with the stronghold of fear (Are you a controller? Do you struggle with OCD? Do you have a lack of joy because you’re always worried? Are you a legalist? Are you a perfectionist? Just a small checklist so you can recognize it), you’d do well to do a search in your concordance to look up all the Bible verses on fear and then began memorizing them or keeping them handy on an index card. One of the ways (after having been delivered from my stronghold) that I was able to squash that old familiar foe when it reared its ugly head was by remembering how the Lord set me free and then claiming the verses that refute attack the enemy was hopelessly trying to wage against me.  Verses like:

• “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  2nd Timothy 1:17
• “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” Psalms 56:3
• “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
• “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” 1st John 4:18
• “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4
• “The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?” Psalms 118:6
• “Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him.” Psalms 34:9
• “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

(There’s many more verses y’all. Someone said there are 365 verses on the topic of fear-one for every day of the year!)  Yes we serve an AWESOME GOD!

The Lord didn’t waste any time with calling me into ministry once He delivered me from my fears. Not long after I was called into leadership as a Discussion Leader for Bible Study Fellowship International while living in Canada. I was also asked to become The Fellowship Ministry Leader at my church and serve on the Church Council there. Both of these roles taught me many lessons about serving the Lord through serving others. I also experienced firsthand the faithfulness of God throughout. I know, I truly believe that He fully equips His children for all He calls them to do. I also now know He has called me to teach! Since returning to the states, The Lord has continued to call me to serve in ministry.

I believe the walk of faith is a walk of adventure with the Lord. It’s never boring although there are times we must rest. It’s never impossible although at times it is challenging. It’s always moving us closer and closer to Him and more dependent on Him. When we are in Christ, yes we know Him, but it is through our journey’s that we get to know Him even better, trust Him even more, and successfully reflect Him to others! As I walk with Him, I get to declare to others what He’s decided for me. I love how in the book of John, John the Baptist said “He must increase and I must decrease.” Yes, that’s it! Whatever He allows in my journey (in your journey) it’s to point me (you) to my (your) Savior, so then I (you) can point Him out to others!

HEART TO HEART: ASK YOURSELF- WHAT IS HE DETERMINED TO PURGE FROM YOU SO YOU CAN WALK IN HIS PURPOSES FOR YOUR LIFE?